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Literature
Another Dragon
When I woke up, I noticed I was hungry. I looked at Eldon, who was still sleeping. I still remembered his amazing flavor, and my hand started reaching for him.
I realized what I was doing and immediately pulled away. My stomach rumbled. I sighed and flew off to find something else to eat.
It was a successful hunt, which of course meant the end of a herd of deer. When I got back, I found that the human had woken up.
"Where were you? I was worried that something happened!" he practically shouted, his words accompanied by a dark glare.
"Relax. I brought back breakfast." I replied, my mouth still full of food.
"Thanks," he muttered grumpily.
Literature
MS18-Savior
MS18-Savior
Thorium awoke. The sun was about to rise creating a thick, fiery line on the horizon. He looked over at Krypton, still fast asleep. Thorium glanced over at his own tail, still bandaged. He yawned, a strand of saliva about ready to ooze out, and spread his cobalt blue wings. They were littered with holes from past events with Rhenium and Cadmium. He crept over to Krypton, tapping him gently on the shoulder. Krypton's eyes shot open, the sun dim daylight illuminated his deep-green irises. "Thorium.." He whispered. "The sun isn't even up; Why did you wake me?"
"Osmium is coming, remember?" Thorium replied before yawning ag
Literature
Dragon Slaying
The bars are clanging again. Roaring and banging in the deep as a monster fights against it's cell. If i close my eyes I can see the fortress of my mind. The halls are long and dark, made of old stonework. Solid and strong but the wear on all of it very plain to see. There it is again. Bang. Bang. I need to do something, I don't think that door is going to hold up. I locked away a piece of myself down there in the dark. He's usually quiet, accepting of his fate. But every once in a while something provokes the beast. This monstrous piece of my own mind that has to be bound and chained. The dragon that demands all and give back nothing. Stupid
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This is a result of reading 
's excellent article Haiku Without Counting followed up with some clarification he graciously responded with.
The major idea is that using a full 5-7-5 syllables in English is not translatable into Japanese haiku because English is much more compact in some ways and contains more meaning per syllable on average. So the main focus should be to be as spartan as possible with words to create the image or idea desired.
Thus, I hope this captures more of the spirit of haiku rather than the letter of the "rules".
's excellent article Haiku Without Counting followed up with some clarification he graciously responded with.The major idea is that using a full 5-7-5 syllables in English is not translatable into Japanese haiku because English is much more compact in some ways and contains more meaning per syllable on average. So the main focus should be to be as spartan as possible with words to create the image or idea desired.
Thus, I hope this captures more of the spirit of haiku rather than the letter of the "rules".
© 2011 - 2024 Plaugh
Comments13
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactIt's nice to see another "convert" to what I consider a school of English haiku closer to the Japanese original in both form and spirit.
The scene you described is almost an ideal haiku moment. Peaceful, tranquil, natural beauty. And all of that comes across perfectly clear in your poem.
I would, however, point out that a haiku should (typically) consist of two parts – two distinct observations, that are presented beside one another to expose a surprising contrast or quite the opposite – similarity between two things or concepts that seem distant at first glance (though this is something of an oversimplification).
This practice is known as kiru (cutting), and in English the two parts are usually divided by a dash, or a more subtle punctuation mark. In this poem, the division is not clear, and it all seems to blend into one depiction.
Another trait important in traditional haiku is the kigo (season word), which in this case seems to be "blue sky". One might argue that this is a bit vague, and doesn't point at specific season. But then again, perhaps in your part of the world it does. And even if not, modern haiku sometimes don't have a clear kigo at all.
Overall, this is a very good first try! I hope you will experiment further, and write many more poems that make me smile and wonder, as this one did.